"Congratulations! You are now a writer." Barbara Braig

Me and My Purging


I have a need to be heard, and a need to tell. I cannot speak my mind in real public situations, for I tend to fear the consequences of my words or actions.

I am an Introvert. This means I cannot stand social situations for long periods of time. I have realized that they wear me out physically, so much so that I stumble into bed after and sleep like the dead.

A result of my being an introvert, I have only a few close friends. In fact, I have only 2 who seem to know me inside and out. And they really do love me, even though we hardly get to see each other. Weird, but I love them too. I have realized that I would not be the person I am now without them. Quite literally. They tolerate me and my eccentricities and even support some of them. lol

I am still socially awkward and have a hard time making new friends. I don’t always have the words to describe how I feel, especially if I have never felt that way before. I don’t speak too much to people I just met mostly because I fear them hating me. I want people to like me for who I am, not who they see when they first meet, but my first impressions always go wrong because I can’t articulate very well. I mostly just get out of their way as fast as I can and find a nice quiet corner to read.

I spend most of my time alone, because everyone I know is always so busy, while I don’t appear to be. When they are not busy, I am. *shrugs* I’ve noticed that this happens a lot.

I like to enjoy the moment; live in it. I savor everything I feel, mostly because I spend so much time alone, that I am often oblivious to other people and their emotions. I come across as insensitive because I cannot tune in or I clue in too late. I have lost many friends this way, and avoid dating anyone because I know I will only hurt them because of my introverted personality. They would want to spend every minute of their time talking with me, every minute of every hour with me. I hate phones, and I don’t talk a whole lot, even when I have something to say. I spend so much time alone that I can’t stand even a one-on-one situation. I get nervous, wonder what I am supposed to do or say, worry if I will commit some taboo act, or not do or say something they would want or should expect.

I have learned that the radio makes a great companion when one is alone. I have also noticed that one of my best friends does not even own a radio. I often wonder how she does it. I can’t watch TV because I find it too distracting and mindless. Listening to the radio allows me to pay attention to what I am doing instead of having to watch a screen to make sure I don’t miss any action.

Music is a big part of my life. Always has been. I can make up stories for a specific song and usually end up listening to that song over and over again just to adjust that story fragment I came up with. I don’t actually write it down though; I bite with details. I enjoy music and my mother has often encouraged this enjoyment, though out tastes in music tend to differ. lol

I have been reading avidly since I was about 12 and grounded. My mom would pick me up some books to keep me from sulking. It was not long before I was reading faster than she could supply. lol It always baffled my mom how I could read so fast.

Well, I do believe that is more than enough purging for now. Sorry ^^;

SilentKat (ok, maybe I am not so silent, lol)


Comments on: "Me and My Purging" (4)

  1. Sounds like someone needs an out-of-country experience! I used to be like you growing up, but then I met the world and the world met me 🙂 Go to some random country and enjoy yourself. You’ll still be an introvert, still be eccentric, but you’ll find more people you like spending time with and feel to hell about everyone else 🙂

    • I have always wanted to see places like Italy, Ireland, Egypt, etc. 🙂 I hope to make it to at least one of them before I die. lol Adn very few people can tolerate how closed in I am. I have noticed that most people feel like they can talk to me about everything. Then they walk away or look at me like I am crazy for trying to make conversation or offer advice or whatever. smh.

      • I currently live in Ireland and the summer seems to be here so it won’t be a bad time to come over if you’re planning a trip! People tell quiet introverts a lot of things (often secrets you’d rather not know about!) and they like doing that because we seem so trustworthy 😉 Little do they know… bwuh hahaha!!!

  2. I live in the US and the temperature seems to keep rising. It would be awesome to go to Ireland, butI can’t afford it. I can barely afford to repair my car. ^^” Lol Yea, I never understood the trust thing, not with the “It’s always the quiet ones” going around. They are the same people that like intimating we are going to commit some terrible act. smh.

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